Fifty Shades of Pride (A Darcy Interlude)

16 Oct

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single respectable woman in possession of no fortune must be in want of a wealthy husband. It is not even slightly acknowledged, however, that some single women know how unlikely it is to find one.”

Before we can really talk about the amazingness that is this mash up of 50 Shades of Grey and Pride and Prejudice we have to talk about nerds for a minute.  Nerd has for a long time has been a negative connotation, when you thought of nerds you thought of tape on glass, pocket protector, calculator watch nerd classic.  It seems like it’s all ways been around and nerds have been getting swirlys in movies for as long as I can remember.

Being a nerd is actually cool now.  Ever since Al Gore lifted Mjölnir (Thor’s Hammer) and created the internet nerds have been connecting with each other and sharing their nerdom and celebrating it.

That being said there are still a few things which their level of nerdom is high and so ingrained that you will be ostracized in public by even fellow nerds if you mention them.  These things harken back to the olden days of nerd where there was a deep sense of shame and embarrassment about being  into the thing you were in to.  And fairly enough the two are divided pretty well across gender lines.  The first, which is generally attributed to guys, is table top gaming, aka dungeons and dragons.  There is no way around this, people will make fun of you to your face and there is simply no way you can ever talk about this without looking ridiculous.  The second, which is generally attributed to ladies, is fan fiction, aka creating original stories based on other people’s material.  You may not even be aware this is a thing but it is and there are hundreds and thousands of web pages devoted to this.  Lots of it is pretty innocent and simply stories about harry potter’s kids, or what happened after star wars.  But then there is a whole genre of erotic fan fiction where shit gets out of hand.  What would happen if Ron and Harry hooked up?  Google it, it’s out there.

PS: the male equivalent to writing erotic fan fiction is being like a Dexter serial killer.

And that brings us to the main event, Fifty Shades of Pride (A Mr. Darcy Interlude) By Anna Smith.

I was going to avoid trying to go through the massive amount of Pride and Prejudice fan fiction that is out there but when I saw that there was an erotic 50 Shades of Grey Pride and Prejudice mash up that was only 40 pages and free on amazon prime, I couldn’t say no.  First off I haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey so I have no idea how it fits into this story, but if it’s anything like how Pride and Prejudice fits in (none at all) then I’m not missing out.

It starts off sort of like real life Pride and Prejudice where out new heroine, Emily and her friend Charlotte? (I can’t remember the friend doesn’t show up again), is at a ball where she meets Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley.  Instead of her over hearing them talk about the women in attendance like in real life P&P Emily over hears Darcy and Bingley talking about some whores they plowed the night before.  Which I don’t think little girls who dream of Darcy being their dream man imagine him plowing a bunch of whores.  But after he talking about banging whores Emily over hears Darcy mention how he doesn’t want to dance with any women there and how they aren’t tolerable, just like in real life P&P.  Also there is another guy at the ball who wants to marry Emily named Dr. Samuelson who is super boring and no one likes and sounds exactly like Mr. Collins.  So like we literally are all Pride and Prejudice set up at this point with a few different names and Darcy fucking a bunch of whores.  Then we basically abandon all Pride and Prejudice connection from hear out.  Emily owns a hunting lodge which Darcy is going to stay at.  She was going to stay with her friend Mary while he’s there but all of a sudden her plans fall through with Mary and she has to stay at the hunting lodge.  It’s pretty big I guess since she just hides from Darcy and his friends that are hunting and pretends to be a serving girl.  Well one night she goes downstairs to get a book (her uncle has a lot of erotic books) and Darcy catches her.  She leaves but he knows she was going to read erotica so the bait is set.  Next night Emily is cold and goes by the fire downstairs and Darcy joins her and one thing leads to another and they go to pound town.  After that it’s just a series of her sneaking down stairs so her and Darcy can bone.   After a while Darcy has to leave and asks her to come with her on a trip (some more sex happens here as well).  Emily decides to cut her hair and pretend to be a boy so they can travel without cause a stir.  She does, they bone, and then they take a tour of Paris.  They just bone a lot here, blah, blah.  Then Darcy gets a letter about his sister being in trouble and has to leave at once (we are to assume this was the instance with Mr. Wickham from real life P&P.  Since the ball we have completely ignored real life P&P and just been boning).  Darcy asks her to wait for him as he takes care of this and Emily gets a letter that her uncle that left her the hunting lodge also forgot but left her a bunch of money so she can now live a lifestyle of traveling and such and not worry about money, the end.

So the book is really oddly paced.  At first it is straight up scene for scene playing out like real life Pride and Prejudice.  Even to the extend where Mr. Darcy makes some pride full comments that Emily overhears and that there is a Mr. Collins that wants to marry her.  They even retool the opening line from real life Pride and Prejudice.  But they drop all of that all most immediately once they get to the cabin and it’s just going to pound town.  We get a little more Pride and Prejudice at the end but it’s a pretty loose “interpretation”.  So I don’t read a lot of “romance” novels so I don’t know how these things typically go but our hero is completely inexperienced in sex and Mr. Darcy has to show her the ropes.  She starts out as a virgin and goes from kissing Darcy to boning in 4.5 seconds.  It seems like this is probably a common theme in romance novels because it doesn’t make any sense in relating to Pride and Prejudice.  Emily is portrayed as a strong black woman, figuratively speaking.  Her parents are dead (guess?) and she owns a house that she rents out and employs a lot of servants.  She has a lot of real life responsibility and doesn’t take shit (she breaks a vase on one of Darcy’s friends who tries to assault her).  However she is completely passive in her own sexuality in besides having read some erotica.  Mr. Darcy is basically in charge of her learning about all her own sexuality.  None of the other characters really matter in it, they show up but you have pretty much forgotten about them by the time the next boning session takes place.  One thing that stuck out to me was that the servants are still basically non-people just like in real life Pride and Prejudice.  We hear some about how Emily is poor (owns a working lodge and all, but still) and how she is going to have to run this lodge all her life and how sad that is.  Yet there are several people that live and work to run the place who we aren’t supposed to feel sorry for?

There are actually two Pride and Prejudice / 50 Shades of Grey fan fiction books in ebook format that you can read.  The other one probably isn’t good either so if you want to read one this is probably the one to get in that its short so at least you won’t waste a lot of time.  It’s been interesting reading someone fan fiction (erotic fan fic at that!) but I don’t really get the appeal.  It probably would have been a lot worse if there had not been the constant fucking.  I’ll try to review more Pride and Prejudice fan fiction but honestly there is just so damn much and it takes a lot time so I’m probably going to stay away from it.

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One Response to “Fifty Shades of Pride (A Darcy Interlude)”

  1. rachaelwelsh October 25, 2012 at 2:43 am #

    Don’t you be hating on fan fiction.

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